Let me tell you a story about how I came to really hate locks on the doors inside my house. It all started with the door to my big girl’s room. We played musical rooms moved the older girls into my craft room and left the current doorknob on there. I had put an outside door knob on that door, you know the kind that you need a key for? I used to use that room to store the kid’s Christmas presents, or work on Christmas presents, or just to lock myself away from the kids occasionally. Due to wanting privacy in that room, I put on a knob that was slightly harder to break in to. When the girls moved in we just left the knob because we figured they needed some privacy from their younger siblings, and also because I was lazy and cheap and didn’t want to have to buy another door knob and install it. Besides, we had the keys for the door and it’s all good, until we lost the keys. But I get ahead of myself.
So one day Sara decides that as she’s getting kicked out of her sister’s room, she is going to lock their door. Lindsey, not knowing that Sara locked the door, follows her out and shuts the door. A few minutes later Lindsey heads back to finish her homework and can’t get her door open. Oops. We can’t find the keys. We tried every single key we could find in the house, none of them will unlock the door. The screws for the door knob are on the inside of the door, along with the hinges. Daddy, who knows how to use a credit card to open doors, is at work. He won’t be home for about 4 hours, so I figure we can just wait. Lindsey doesn’t like that idea so she heads outside to see if she can get in through the window. Did I mention it’s winter time and like 15 degrees F? And that we also have a large drift in front of her window? Yeah, I’m not following her outside. Still, she manages to get the screen off only to discover that the window is locked from the inside. Now she has to figure out how to put the screen back in with frozen fingers.
The next idea is to go on to YouTube and see what we can find. There are numerous videos about picking locks, just in case you were wondering. We watch a number of them where they use a variety of household tools and Michael and Lindsey see what they can find to help them try and pick the door lock. They grab some bobby pins, some paperclips, anything long and skinny they can find, but they aren’t having much luck. I watch a video and decide maybe I can give it a try. I check out what they have and I grab a paperclip and a bobby pin and try my hand at picking the lock. After about five minutes (At least I think it was only five minutes, could have only been two or it could have been twenty, I’m not sure), I get the lock to move…in the wrong direction. Shoot, it’s still locked, but now I know I can kind of do it, so I switch directions and try again. Then again, and again, and again. After about ten minutes or maybe an hour, I give up. Seriously, how did the people on those videos get it unlocked so fast? What did I do the first time that I’m not doing right now? I want to throw the paperclip and bobby pin as far as I can, but I don’t, I just lay them down, calmly walk away, and finish getting dinner ready. Telling Lindsey that locks are stupid, doors are over rated, and at the moment I am done with hers.
And then some time later while I’m doing dinner, or laundry, or harassing the kids, Lindsey tries again and gets her door open! Hallelujah! She totally has the magic touch. Or maybe she sacrificed a banana for the ability to unlock her door, I don’t know. Now we still need to find the keys. Sara got a stern lecture on locking doors with nobody inside the room, or locking doors that aren’t hers, and she had to apologize to Lindsey.
I was so happy that we got through that incident and I’m feeling like we’ve all learned our lesson and life is good, until the next day comes. Leah decides she needs to use mom and daddy’s bathroom instead of the kids bathroom. She’d been gone a while when Sara hears her crying and goes to investigate. Leah is stuck in the bathroom. The door handle will move up and down, but the door won’t open. Once again, daddy is gone and the hinges and screws are all inside with Leah. She is good and stuck! She’s also crying and freaking out. You see, this time the door isn’t actually locked, so all of my lock picking YouTube videos are not quite as helpful. The door is however not quite as tight as Lindsey and Taylor’s door, so maybe a credit card could get in there and open the door. Only, I still don’t know how to do that. It will be hours before daddy is coming home and Leah does not want to stay stuck inside mommy’s bathroom for that long. I tell Leah to stay calm, mommy’s working on it, and I get on the phone with daddy to see what he thinks. While I’m on the phone Sara takes it upon herself to help calm down Leah. She gathers papers, a small notebook, pencils, and even snacks and starts slipping them under the door to Leah. It’s like she’s under siege and her allies are slipping supplies in under the radar. Or maybe she’s in jail and her supporters are slipping her contraband, only there’s no one to trade with.
I manage to get ahold of my friend who’s husband is home and he knows how to credit card doors. He comes out and I give him an expired card that I happen to have in my wallet and after lots of wiggling around he manages to open the door. The card ends up being totally mangled. (Side note, keep at least one throw away card in wallet just in case). Leah is free!!! And I’m left with a pile of papers, pencils, and snacks just inside my bathroom door.
Once the door is open, we turn the handle to see what’s up, and wouldn’t you know it, the door is working perfectly again. What. The. Heck???? Not wanting to risk another kid getting locked in my bathroom, the friend takes the handle off. Daddy has another door knob already and the next day he puts it on so that I can once again poop in relative peace. And by relative peace I mean that the kids may be banging on the door and shouting questions at me, but at least they aren’t in the bathroom commenting on what a great pooper I am, or the color of my underwear.
A Cup of Crazy and a Dash of Love 