What is Self Care?

As moms we are preached to that we need to take care of ourselves. “You need to practice self care” comes at us from all directions. After I had my second child, at my follow up appointment the doctor told Robert that when he got home from work Robert should take the baby and let me get out of the house by myself for 30-60 minutes at least 3-4 times a week. So I thought self care meant getting out of the house by myself. My friends would talk about getting their hair or nails done as self care. Magazines and tv would portray appointments at the spa for massages or facials as self care.

While I do enjoy an occasional massage and I like getting my hair and nails done, I don’t like being by myself. There were also many times where spending money on those things would actually cause me more stress than they were supposed to alleviate. Here’s a hint for you, it’s not self care if it makes you more stressed in the long run. If that hair appointment was the equivalent of a tank of gas that my husband needed to go to work, it wasn’t worth it. If that hour alone meant that there was one less hour that I actually got to spend with my busy husband and I spend the whole time wishing he were with me, then it isn’t worth it. If the massage is half of the power bill and things are tight, then it isn’t worth it.

I started a MaryKay business when we first got married as a way to give myself “self care”. I could do my facials at home and then go to parties and teach other women to do the same. I was not a very good MaryKay lady. Instead of using my business to encourage me to wash my face regularly, I just felt guilty. I wanted that extra half hour of sleep in the morning and then I got busy with my babies and didn’t know how to lay them down and let them cry while I put my makeup on., and then I would just forget to do it. In addition, if I put makeup on, then I would need to take it off, and at the end of the day I just wanted to fall into bed and not worry about washing my face. Like I said, I was not a good example of a MaryKay lady. I loved the company, I loved the trainings, I loved the ladies I associated with, I even loved the products, I just didn’t use them like I was encouraging everyone at my parties to. This was not self care at this time.

So what was self care, at least for me? Well first of all it was prayer and reading from my scriptures. I can hear you thinking “Seriously? Prayer?” Hear me out. What can be better for you than asking for help and having someone give you answers and guidance when you need it? Reading words of hope can do more to sooth a troubled heart than all the pedicures in the world. This wasn’t easy to do, though. My kids would often wake me up and then I would get involved in all the busy-ness of raising them and making sure they stayed alive. It was easy to get distracted and not take the time to pray or read my scriptures. I had to learn to make that a priority. If you aren’t spiritual then you may think this is silly of me, but for me, I feel a difference in my life when I make these two things a priority.

As important as prayer and the Word are, it’s not always enough to fill an almost empty emotional bucket. Next, self care for me meant getting out with people. There are two main types of people out there, those who’s energy is drained by being around others, and those who become energized by being around others. I fall into the latter category. Where others might want half an hour alone to recharge, I wanted to visit with my neighbors, I wanted quality time with my husband, talking and laughing. My church had monthly women’s meetings and Robert made sure that I went every month, even if I said I was tired or didn’t feel like going. He realized that I came home happier and was a better mom and wife when I got out of the house to visit with other women. I also spent a lot of time sitting on my front porch so I could visit with my neighbors. Doing this helped me deal with postpartum depression that I didn’t realize I had after having my second baby.

Those two were honestly the biggest things I could do for my own mental health. The best part, they were free! Let’s be honest, most young married couples don’t have a lot of money and when you start having kids and your world changes you don’t have a lot of time as well as no money. Getting out once a week or so helped me so much! I just didn’t want to be by myself. Yes, I need quiet time occasionally, but I need people time more. In addition to those, though, there were a few other things I really enjoyed that I would also classify as self care. My hobbies. I like to crochet, knit, and sew. Buying a few skeins of yarn for a new project or a couple yards of material to make my girls a dress helped immensely.

All those little things changed over the years, too, and that’s ok. Depending on our financial situation, part of my self care could have been picking up a 50 cent candy at the store when I bought groceries, or it was having $20 to spend on whatever I wanted. For my birthday/Christmas present last year I asked for a FabFitFun box because I wanted to see what it was all about for myself. I learned that I don’t care for those paper mask things. Those aren’t my idea of self care. I did find a body scrub that I really have enjoyed when I use it. I also got a face cream that I decided to actually use. For about the last six months I’ve made a conscience effort to wash my face morning and night and put on at least a little bit of makeup. All the years of neglecting my skin are starting to catch up to me in the small wrinkles showing up on my face. I’m still trying to decide if this is actually self care. It’s not something I love doing, but it’s something I do because I feel more put together when I do it. I’m totally fine being seen in public when I haven’t washed my face or put makeup on. Anyway, I do love having soft skin and I liked that face cream so much that I had to buy another one.

If I were to define self care, it would be doing those things that make you a better mom, wife, sister, and friend. It’s taking an hour of quiet time if that’s what you need. It’s visiting with people if that’s that you need. For me it’s connecting with God and then adding those things other that bring my soul peace and joy. Don’t let tv shows, social media, me, or even your close friends and family tell you what you need to do for self care. Don’t think you need to spend a bunch of money for self care. Yes, there were times I saved up and got super frugal so I could have something that made me happier and my life easier, but at those times, it was worth it. Self care isn’t something that feels good now, but causes extra stress tomorrow or next week. Self care helps calm your mind and center your soul so that you can handle what comes tomorrow and next week.

So tell me, what are your favorite ways of taking care of yourself?