Right now in this very moment I am struggling. I’ve struggled off and on with anxiety since I was in high school and I’ve got all kinds of coping mechanisms and I know logically I will be better tomorrow, but I’m this moment I am struggling.
Most of my anxiety stems from needing to feel liked and accepted. I go out of my way to try and make people feel comfortable and to be non-threatening. I think it’s important to foster relationships with people who can bring new ideas and insights into your life, even if you don’t always agree with them. I believe you can be friends with and belong to different political parties, different religions, and even speak different languages.
Sadly some people in this world believe that if you disagree with something they believe then you must hate them and you are attacking them. Rather than having a civil conversation to understand one another they resort to personal attacks. What is especially hard right now is that because people can’t get together in groups, so much of this is done online where you can’t read body language or tonal inflections. Also people are much bolder behind their screens than they might be if they were looking you in the eye.
I know if I could see people, if I could get out and spend time with other women who are uplifting, then I’d feel better. I know in the morning once I have had a good night’s sleep I will feel better. I know this feeling will pass. But right now, in this moment, I’m not ok. Right now my heart is racing and it’s taking almost all my focus to just keep moving and take care of myself and my family. In this moment I will take deep breaths and call someone I trust to talk me through things. I will journal my feelings on here and share them with you. Tomorrow I will conquer the world, or at least my world, but today, well, today I will just keep breathing.
A Cup of Crazy and a Dash of Love 